Taper Things That SUCK.

I know. I keep talking about tapering. Whatev!

I go back and forth between hating a taper, and loving a taper. Right now, I HATE the taper.

1.) PHANTOM PAINS: Sorry Beth McCurdy for constantly bringing up the fact that I’m having random pains in our conversations. I know it’s probably annoying you.. why? BECAUSE ITS ANNOYING ME THAT I KEEP BRINGING IT UP, TOO. Dang. Phantom pains are random spurts of pain in random places that you’ve never had act up before- and they come on during rest. For me it’s been my right big toe, and my IT Band.. random. I haven’t had pain since I started back training from Clinch! So I did a little digging to try to figure out exactly what this madness is, and from what I can gather, it’s normal! Apparently the muscles take advantage of the rare rest period to repair micro damages from training. My first instinct was to “run it out” like I do everything else, but Daniel (and Beth…sorry again, Beth) talked some sense into me. I guess I’ll just “run it out” Saturday..for 24 hours… Delicious.

2.) PARANOIA, WORRYING, MOOD SWINGS (they’re all the same to me): “I think I’m paranooooidd!!!” good song! anyway… Paranoia is probably next on my Suck List. I think it’s in cahoots with reason number 1, too. Because I’m all freakin out thinking I have some type of running disease, and I can’t shake the obsessive worrying about it! Random things like that are plaguing me this week. I obsess over things I typically would never worry about! Now that I think about it , it’s during a taper when I realize just how much running really levels me out… scary thought too….I think about life before running and I start to feel really sorry for Daniel being married to nonrunner Ashley. Poor guy….. GEEZ… SEE?! I CAN’T STOP! I’m a mess. Oh yeah, the point is that I’m not ME during a taper. So I dug into this one too, and of course I already knew the answer: We experience mood swings, feelings of paranoia, and worrying in a taper due to our lack of running related endorphin, energy, and stress release. Duh. Any mom who runs can vouch on that one. Just ask the kids, “Mommy is being mean, she needs to run!” We know guys…we know…trust us.

3.) 2ND GUESSING: (Okay, I’ve really got to listen to myself on this one.) When we truly train for something, give it 110%, and set realistic expectations based on our training, there is really no reason to listen to the tiny devil doubter on the shoulder. Ugh he has been pestering me all week. I start thinking things like, “What if I didn’t train good enough?” (PULEASE.) My guess is the lack of confidence boosting workouts does a number on the brain. When I’m just sitting around carb loading and resting, it’s easy to think I’m really just eating crap and NOT working hard.. annnd then I feel like a major loser. NOT COOL. To remedy this, I’ve done some light boxing the past couple of days and a few tabatas to keep me hungry. It helps a bit, but it’s not running.

4.) BUYING RANDOM LAST MINUTE GEAR I NEVER TRAINED WITH: I always do this! Why? I don’t know. I think during my training, I’ll tell myself I need to buy “this or that” for my next race. But then, I’ll always wait until the day before a race to get it. It’s so lame. Daniel always laughs at me for this. He’s like “Why do you think [insert product] will make you run better?” — “IT JUST WILL! OKAY?!” Ha. For instance, I’ll run 50, 60 miles holding an ipod.. then come race day I’ll go to the store to buy an armband for it……. I know…. I’m an idiot. I rarely NEED or USE whatever it I buy, so its just money wasted. It’s no secret that we all want to perform our best during a race, and maybe we buy things that we think will help us do just that?… Not that they will, but we don’t care. I say WE because I know I’m not the only one! My friends do it too! Whether it’s new shoes, medicines, fuel, clothes, herbal supplements—- we always grab something right before a race! But we rarely grab it right before long training runs! Daniel always just rolls with it, but I know it annoys the heck out of him.. He’s thinkin, “WOMAN, PLEASE.”

5.) NOT RUNNING GIVES ME TIME TO NOTICE OTHER THINGS I SUCK AT IN LIFE: Like really, come on… is my house THAT bad? Yeah. Apparently it is… But I never notice it until a taper. I guess it’s not my fault though, because God didn’t give me the super cleaning lady gift, only the endurance gift. (Not Cool, Bro!) And due to reason 2, I start to bash myself on how awful I am at everything else in my life, and I feel less than happy. I will say, however, that the extra energy and time does allow for some fixing of things. But if you’re cool like me, you’ll get a little too into your OTHER STUFF (mine=cleaning) and injure yourself. [yes I injured myself cleaning: I actually sliced my thumb open during this taper while trying to get wax off the living room table with an exacto knife! It plunged right into my left thumb instead of the wax… 5 stitches… Exquisite.]

SO. I’m almost done with this week of eating, head banging to pump-me-up metal music, and NOT running. Pretty soon I can get back to eating, running, and NOT head banging [as much]. Maybe I’ll even have an emotionally charged rambling race recap from Hinson Lake [if [IF] I actually make it out alive.. key word IF, here.]

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