All things considered, I had no right being at the Ancient Oaks 100 Mile Endurance Run . But I went anyway, and I’m so thankful I did….
Therapy.
You want to talk so bad right now, that you think you might choke due to the lack of words being able to escape your throat.
There is just so much to say; but nobody wants to hear it, and nobody really cares anyway.
So you stash it deep down in your gut and let it simmer.. Let it burn.. Let is suck the life out of you.. Until the tension slowly builds. It rises up and heats your entire core until it finally hits your brain and your head is pounding.
You need an escape- need to run!
Then the cravings start attacking for trail time, because you know the pounding in your brain won’t stop until you either speak your mind or get to that freakin’ trail.
And since you can’t speak your mind..
You run.
You strike the ground with everything you’ve got in your body because you’re so sick of holding all of it in. You can cry, you can scream, you can yell, you can run faster, and you can run farther. You can speak your mind to the trees, or shout out to God above. Do whatever you want to do because when you run- you’re you.
After a few hours-
The pounding stops.
The pressure is gone.
Nothing is solved, no.
Yet everything feels good
….if only for a millisecond.
And that’s why you do it again, and again:
Running is your therapy.
*ps – Don’t freak out- I don’t really need therapy, I just write when I’m frustrated because I love how it flows.;)
Ultra Food for Thought
Ultrarunners love to talk food. And believe us, we all know the best and right way to eat.
(All of us!)
There’s one end of the spectrum, and they are the super healthy eating elite. In this category you’ll find: paleo peeps, uber organic yuppies, naturalists, vegans, non-processed, whole foods addicts, “the earth is greater green” runners.
Across the other side resides a whole different breed of runners: jellybean popping, gu sucking, coke drinking, beer guzzling, pizza scarfing (and OFTEN) fast freakin’ runnermothers.
Of course there are always people on the fence. A lot of us go back and forth between the opposite ends, or a lot of times stay somewhere smack dab in the middle. Race food is different than every day food, after all. Have your cake and eat it, too! Right?
No wonder the food topic fascinates us ultra geeks. So many options for our crazy little strong-willed minds to grasp hold of and run with.
So.. Which way of eating works best?
I know what works best for me..
Wanna talk toughness?
I’ve quit 3 ultras.
THREE
1.) bethel hill moonlight boogie, my 2nd attempt at running 50 miles. (my first finish was a solo run a couple weeks prior, also in extremely high temps, and on the toughest hilliest roads around. 10 hour self supported finish.) @BHMB, I threw up – nonstop- for 6 miles straight. It was 100 degrees in the middle of summer. I was so dehydrated from puking, and hallucinating badly, that I eventually curled up in a car and fell asleep. I woke up after a couple hours (still feeling like crap) and gutted out another 10 miles before sunrise. I finished 36 miles that day.
2.)FORT CLINCH 100, my 3rd 100 mile attempt. HOTTER THAN HADES in Florida trails with humidity so thick you felt like you were swimming. mid summer. I literally passed out @67 miles and was ambulanced to the ICU/comatose ward and was in a coma for 11 hrs. My Body ate itself- rhabdomyolosis- and started to eat my heart. The cardiac enzymes invaded my blood stream and shut down my kidneys. I woke up the next morning and asked to go back out to finish my run, ha. I wasn’t even allowed to MOVE for 4 weeks- i was supposed to be on bed rest. But 2 weeks later, i got up and started back with a 100 mile week. (read “refined by fire in the fort clinch furnace” for that one.)
3.) Hinson lake 24 hr. I quit at 1:30am after dealing with massive pain in my hip for the entire day. A urinary tract infection forced me to stop every other loop to hit the bathroom, so I had to double up my pace to make up for the stops. I felt great other than both of those incredibly painful things- I eventually stopped running after trying EVERYTHING. Come to find out I WAS RUNNING WITH A FRACTURED HIP. BUT I STILL MANAGED ABOUT 80 miles that day. I would have kept going if my leg would’ve moved.
Those are the only ultra races I have ever quit.
Most all of my ultra training runs were done BY MYSELF. In the middle of the freaking night, on technical trails. I woke up at (or before) 4am almost every single week day to get in my mileage, so it wouldn’t disrupt my family’s flow, or interfere with my ability to be a good mom and wife.
What about you? What ya got? I really want to know.
Because, sure I may have had a few brushes with bad luck. But I guaran-freakin-tee you that I can outlast you on any given day. I actually REALLY enjoy feeling pain. I thirst for it.
NOW TELL ME ONE MORE TIME YOU THINK I NEED TO TOUGHEN UP. I DARE YOU.
-Ashley;)
“Tighten up on your reigns, you’re runnin’ wild..runnin’ wild..it’s true.”
I crave running like he craves what??
Am I even allowed to write “SEX” on a blog about running? Hmm. Not sure about that one, but I promise you I can tie it all together.
My dear friend and former client, Ashley C, sent a package my way last week. I’m certain it was in hopes of cheering me up during this hip-broken-miserable-without-a-run period of awfulness, and God knows I needed it! Inside of the package was a very thoughtful and sweet card, and behind that, a book titled “FOR WOMEN ONLY”. The title alone had me ready and willing to drop everything, and do some serious reading. I thumbed through the first few pages, and before I knew it I was halfway through the book!
Running Dream
I rub my eyes, and look over at my phone.
4am…Again.
Another running dream startled me awake out of a very deep sleep. I can easily recall every detail, because I’ve had this dream countless times…
Staying Distracted, Lifting Weights, and a Facebook Rant
Everyone keeps asking me if I’m depressed. Ha. Well….Nah, I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. I’m definitely not my chipper -bouncing off the walls- self. I think I’m just really DISTRACTED. I only get down during times when I feel like I should be running, or when I crave a run. Truth is, I haven’t had time to notice my injury other than the obvious, more in-your-face, times Take grocery shopping for instance, yeah…screw that! Ha! Daniel keeps telling me to use one of those riding carts, and I refuse….they look too weak! So I crutch around all over the stores, and try to carry stuff at the same time. It’s so pathetic.. maybe I should just swallow my pride? (Or NOT.)
I’ve been keeping myself really busy, and I feel just about as tired as I felt during peak training weeks this year. As a matter of fact, last night I forgot I can’t even walk. I was laying in bed, it was around midnight, and I told Daniel, “I’m gonna go hit a few miles really quick so I can sleep, I’ll be back.” He looked at me like I was crazy, and then I remembered I can hardly walk, and I dropped my head back to the bed in defeat. (Yes, running is THAT ingrained into my system… anyone else ever experienced this sort of thing?) Also, I had to leave the house last night, and I drove past my favorite training grounds, Fort Yargo, on the way to my destination. I almost swerved into the park! I got all teary eyed. What would I do there? Crutch to the trail head and turn around? I SWEAR, I really feel like a teenage girl who’s daddy made her “break up” with running. SUCKS! So..I took a pic and kept driving. sob. For real, that is so lame. Why I’m writing this for my small world of friends to know is beyond me…not like you guys don’t know this stuff about me anyway. Somewhere in this mess of a year, I apparently lost my ability to care about what anyone else thinks… (?)…
I’ve spent the past couple of days helping a close friend of mine revamp her blog, so that’s been keeping me distracted. Beth McCurdy is a fabulous cook, and has a lot of great recipes geared towards runners, check it out : betheats2run.blogspot.com . It turned out to be a nightmare of HTML code input for the header, which I haven’t dealt with in years. Also, when I committed, I forgot that my new laptop has no photoshop or editing software installed. I’m a wiz on photoshop, but I had to use a crappy generic photo editor to create the logo and it took foooorrr–eevvvv–urrrr. (No really. Forever!) Regardless, it turned out pretty good for my first attempt at designing a blog for someone & with minimal tools to do so. She really liked it, so that’s all that matters to me.
Dan’s kicking my butt…err, upper body, with whatever cross training I can handle. I’m looking forward to the body changes with it all. I’ve lost a lot of weight since Hinson, surprisingly. Probably because I’m not hungry. I can already see a lot of cuts and definition returning that I had lost during heavy distance training. I’m eating way less than 1000 cals a day. My body is so used to burning 3-4000, and consuming even more than that on a daily basis. I guess my body just doesn’t know how to react! It’s kinda weird.. I’m so fascinated by how our bodies respond to training
Another thing keeping me distracted are the looong and meaningful conversations I have had with so many of my friends. I’m the type of person who you DON’T want to get into a phone conversation with… no really.. most people just text me to avoid it! Ha. Everyone knows that I prefer deep conversation versus meaningless chatter, so I’m surprised at how many people are willing to actually CALL me! SOOO many friends, and other ultrarunners have taken the time to chat with me, and I’m loving it! Thanks guys, it’s keeping my mind off of NOT running. Huge help! Some conversations have been FUNNY. I found out that a girl at Hinson Lake thought I was trying to “show off” by sprinting a few loops after already running over 60 miles. Ha. Actually, I had no intentions of showing off, and every intention of trying anything in my arsenal to shake out the pain I was feeling in my hip. A true runner knows that sometimes a good solid block of natural form sprinting can fix your gait & stride and help tame some muscle pain. So no, I didn’t WANT to run a sub 7 pace for half an hour on crappy legs, I just felt like I needed to try it. (Shakin My Head)
(enter random facebook rant)
Things like that chick talking smack about me- that reminds me of how much I LOVE being off of facebook. All of the political correctness and fake friendships used to drive me up the wall. When I hear of silly things people say about me, I’m reminded of how people used to write that kind of stuff to me on my facebook wall… I can only imagine the crap I’d get if I was on there posting stuff about breaking my hip during Hinson! —Bet this would be verbatim :
Continue reading “Staying Distracted, Lifting Weights, and a Facebook Rant”
Find a freakin’ way!
Response to news of hip fracture and possible surgery–
Response to news of hip fracture and possible surgery– a video by Ashley Ringo Walsh on Flickr.
hahaha you kinda had to see the WORST movie ever to think that was funny.
So yeah, I fractured my hip a few miles into Hinson lake.. And idiot me ran roughly 80 miles that day before I quit in pain. It hurt so bad, but I thought it was muscle related so I kept moving hoping to run it out. Tomorrow I will find out if I will need surgery. Apparently there may be a tendon that is damaging (or already damaged) the hip bone by being pulled too tightly across the bone and as a result- tearing off the bone. The tendon may have snapped, or may be close to it.
Either way, I can’t walk, or do anything weight bearing for a long time….Like months. If surgery- way longer. I’m down, okay, I cried my eyes out.. but I’m okay with it. Promise. Yes, it’s true that running well over 100 mile weeks generally means someone is probably quite addicted to running. So NOT RUNNING basically means NOT BREATHING. Which basically sucks. Lol! But hey, what have I always said? Everything happens for a reason!!! I’m going to focus my energy on planning out races I mentioned in my last post. I’ve already contacted a couple of people about it. I think it will all work out very nicely!! Will feel REALLY good to solely focus on others’ happiness for awhile!
I’m determined not to lose my competitive edge and focus during the next few months. I’ve already got a high count pushup and pullup goal and plans to kayak during the day while my kids are at school. Will be fun! Dan had me out lifting as soon as I got home from the doc. Ha! I know he won’t take it easy on me and I’m glad. That crazy torture loving freak set 25’s down on the ground in front of me and said “go.” (I think really its not about his concern for me, but more that he just doesn’t want a frumpy wife! ;))
I refuse to let anything deter my motivation and discipline!!!!! This year has been (hades) for me- emotionally, physically, mentally. Let’s see– I had a health scare this spring with my spleen, then I almost died at fort clinch (ICU), I cut open my thumb a couple weeks ago(stitched) and then here’s this awesome hip drama and possible surgery. Haha I mean really I have like hundreds of thousand in med bills and no way to pay. It’s been rough. No, REALLY rough. Running all of that crazy mileage this year was my therapy. Not running will be so hard. But the key to going through so much crap in life is to KEEP THE FAITH. GOTTA KEEP PUSHING ONWARD TOWARDS THE PRIZE!! No matter what you’re going through, it could almost ALWAYS be worse!!!! Count your blessings, right? I am. Because there is SO MUCH in life to be thankful for, and not enough time to be sitting around miserable. (remind me I wrote this when I’m crying in a few weeks because im not outside playing and running in the beautiful autumn weather!) 😀 🙂 I
New Direction
So after a day of sulking in pain, being stuck in bed watching old movies, THINKING, and PRAYING, and finally just sitting still for a few hours.. My wheels started turning.
WHY would racing ultras not be in the works for me right now?
I know why. Because it’s self-serving.
WHY is something self-serving not in the works for me right now?
That’s easy. Just reread that sentence.
Too much focus on “me” is way toxic, and dangerous. Especially if I don’t realize it’s happening. When it starts to happen, even subconsciously, God smacks me down like a 4 year old in Kmart.
I learned a lot about life training to race Hinson and other races this fall. I definitely became a better runner and athlete, and (in my opinion though it doesn’t really count) a stronger person.
But that doesn’t mean a thing unless I put all of those life lessons I learned this year to good use.
Am I really making a positive and meaningful difference in the lives of others if I’m chasing my own dreams down? Nah.
So how can I remedy this? How can I bring my passion for running, racing, training, family, trails and LIFE all together in a way that pleases the God I live my life for?
Well.. I prayed about it while I sat here on my hurtin’ triple marathon+ injured and sore booty today, lol, and here’s what’s been flowing through my brain since:
It’s time for me to GIVE way more of myself instead of doing way more for myself.
I want to create some VERY low key, yet competitive, ultra races with 100% of proceeds going to various homeless shelters and food pantries in the Atlanta area. I have a few in mind.
I’m thinking maybe donations, and things like blankets, jackets, food, etc. as entry fees.
We have amazing trail systems here, like Yargo and Harbins, and all of us local runners have put together some crazy challenging routes to train on. I’d love to invite others to try their luck on some of our toughest training courses.
I have a huge amount of resources I can pull from to make it work. I also have some direct links to people in critical need, and ways to help them.
I’m going to keep moving in this direction and see where God takes it. Maybe it’s what He is wanting out of me. Maybe not. Only one way to find out. I’ll send out some emails today and go from there!
ASHRUNS100s 