Waiting For What’s Next

I don’t know exactly where I’m going, but I know exactly what I’m searching for. Every single night I lay in my bed and think about it, every day I’m distracted with the thoughts: I want to push my body to the ultimate brink. I want to feel it again- the moment that I realize I’m truly human-when Im close to death.. Scary, I know. But it’s also in that very moment that I have the ability to fight- to push back- to scream that I want more, and let God decide the rest.
I want to run farther than I ever have in my life… Not in circles.. Not on some flat easy terrain. I want to run something hard, gripping, wild, dangerous, and deadly. The toughest mountains, the loneliest path, the deadliest cliff. I want that moment again. That moment is when I feel the absolute closest to God I feel I can get on Earth. It’s a strange female craving I guess.. definitely isn’t a freakin chocolate chip cookie, but it’s me. It’s right there alongside my need to live life outside of the box- to venture outside of the American Comfort realm and to a place that suits my chemical makeup more- the real deal Earth. I feel like I’m on the edge of my tomorrow.. Just waiting for the clock to turn. I wonder what’s going to happen next?? All I can do is run and pray and think and wait. But I know whatever happens next in my life won’t be an accident. Everything is perfectly mapped out from the get-go, so I’ll just hang on tight for the ride… And in the meantime.. Keep waiting.
PS: going semi AWOL again. I’ll have my phone, and will still check my email.:)

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