Happy New Year From a Cynic

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Anndd…. That’s pretty much how I brought in the new year!!!! Couldn’t have imagined it going any better! I really don’t get pumped about the whole new years ordeal.

For one, I loathe crowds. This translates to me not going anywhere to watch any ridiculous display of large objects falling out of the sky, and what have you. In my mind: combining a whole slew of people I don’t know and an oversized piece of fruit or disco ball reminds me of a strange nightmare I once had.

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“God save us all!!!!!”

Two, I don’t drink, EVER. Alcohol literally promotes fat, that’s disgusting. I swore it off years ago. So celebrating a new year with a bunch of imbeciles getting trashed while I sip on my bottled water MIGHT be entertaining, but hardly worth my time. I don’t know though…

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“oh my gosshhhh, I really hope this guy doesnt remember how ummm- awesome I look right now!!” Hmm.

Don’t even get me started on resolutions. Who ever started this nonsense needs to be shot. “Goal- I want to lose 30 pounds this year” SHUT UP. Shut up right now. If you really wanted to lose those 30 pounds, you would’ve started bustin’ your butt last year! Why doesn’t anyone say “I’ve got a to-do list for 2012” because that would be too solid wording for a commitment, that’s why.

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Plus, everyone makes lame resolutions that they think sound appropriate.. Get fit, get organized, save more, eat healthy. Puh-lease! Those suck. If I had a gun to my head and someone asked me to make a new years list- First, I would punch the freak in the face, kick em down, then stand over them while they cower under the barrel, then I’d say- “I don’t have any new years resolutions, skank!!!!” but then I would probably think about it after the fact, and come to the conclusion that I do have a couple of things to check off my life list for 2012.. And it’d look like this:

1.) Avoid gossiping uber competitive & catty females at all cost. They are life ruiners.

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“Ashley told me not to tell anyone but I’m going to tell you because I know you won’t tell any body, oh em gee!”

2.) Win a bunch of races. Because I’m a good runner, and I need to prove it.

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I finished right before them.

3.) Don’t fake happy. Everybody knows when I’m miserable. So I’m gonna put my hood up, sulk, and then get over it- but I’m not gonna fake a happy me! Fake is fake.

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She looks kinda like my mother-in-law.

4.) Have legit running adventures. At least 3. Boxed in life and racing is dull and not awesome for life experience. And neither is my pathetic small town pit. I’ve gotta get outta here more.

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will be way cool.

Not that any of those are going to work out just right, because life just isn’t that awesome. Sorry ’bout your luck, Ash.
Happy new year, people.

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