It Doesn’t Count Unless

Do you run?


Want to make sure you REALLY run?

Well honestly, your sweat, endorphin flow, and great mood really aren’t enough evidence. There are some critical steps you must take to ensure your run credibility and legitimacy.

See below…

You run.You upload it.

If Facebook doesn’t get to know that you suffered through a 5K with a blister, but it still “felt great” …does it even count?!

If DailyMile doesn’t receive a thorough heartfelt evaluation of your goals… do you even have any?

If there’s no hashtagged #run tweet saying otherwise, were you actually just sitting on your butt all day?

What would happen if you ran 12 miles at a 7:45 pace and STRAVA knew nothing about it?!!


A run without social media info? HA. It isn’t a run at all. No run is worth anything without proper documentation.

You run. You Pic.

“Pics or it didn’t happen!!!!!” What better way to share your running enthusiasm with the world than an inspirational running pic? A sweaty selfie? The black and white glory pose. Pigeon toe shoes.. The possibilities are endless.

If you want maximum impact– try the PicStitch. The Picstitch is a dangerous tool for inspiration. It features your worn out nasty lookin’ face, your beat up shoes, the road you ran, AND the Garmin data… For one SUPER picture that is fit to inspire even the most uninterested nonrunners.

HASHTAG it with things you feel you represent…#honor #glory #inspiration #power #elite #immortal #godofrunning #beautiful #sponsored #yourworstnightmare

Inspirational examples found below:
“The bathroom break workout”


“The couple fantasy trail inspiration”


“The bliss jumping warrior”


You run. You dress the part.
Look, you wanna be a runner, you better freakin’ LOOK like a real runner. You don’t lace up your shoes without some serious gear to back that crap up.

Deluxe handheld for 3 mile run. (Check)

Pimped out trail kicks for the local park. (Check)

Ultra finisher race T for a 5k. (BAM)

Garmin?… Wait. There are people who take them off to sleep? Pshhh.

You Run. You eat like a runner.

How is anyone supposed to know you are a healthy runner unless you eat like one? Forget the fact that you LOOK great. We need online proof here, people.

A picture of a bowl of kale will work if you’re “going vegan”.. or just something smart and elite looking.

There’s also “juicing”. And really it doesn’t matter WHAT the frick you mix up, as long as its a weird color and looks like vomit, but is labeled as healthy.

Annnd of course, there is Paleo. So…….you know…bacon.

Don’t take pics of the real crap you eat, either. Just the things that make you look interesting and educated.

The lesson here is that yes, a runner eats, but what’s more important is that a runner lets everyone KNOW he or she eats.

You Run. You do it for charity.

If you’re thinking about doing a really really long run, it would be wrong to do it for yourself. So why not do it for charity?

What charity?… It doesn’t matter…make one up.

Because friend… Your running long is good for one thing and one thing alone: changing the world.

Take the great runner
Michael Scott’s advice:

So go ahead. Make that charity. And be sure your face is the first glorious thing that people see when they donate to it.


You run. You race.

There is no such thing as being a runner unless you race competitively.

End of that sad piece of crap little story.

You run. You inspire.

Above all else:

Always remember that you are here to inspire the masses. You are destined to be The Great Inspiration of Life.

You don’t just run for fun.
You don’t only run for health.
You don’t run for a hobby.
You don’t run because you need a break.
You don’t run to hang out with runner friends.

You just run for the greater good of the world, and for the everlasting glory of an enriched and inspired runner life.

Think you got it? Good. Happy running.
😉 haha sorry. Just havin’ some fun. But you know what I’m talking about… don’t you!?!? I’m guilty of it too. I appreciate all of the tweets & emails etc, but leave your thoughts here below first! Have a great weekend.-Ash

44 Replies to “It Doesn’t Count Unless”

  1. Right on! Reminds me of the movie Easy A when the teacher says, “I don’t know what your generation’s fascination is with documenting your every thought, but I can assure you, they are not all diamonds.”

      1. I love sarcastic Ashley 2! 🙂 😉 🙂 😉 but a lot of the people that inspire me daily, just might feel hurt by this post!!! 😦 :*(
        Half of the time, I don’t even know what their workout was, but it still motivates me to try. (I used to feel motivated by you and your posts, until you apparently blocked me???? :(:(:(:( )
        Even though we became great friends at MB50, you seemed to have turned your back on me just like my family did! Skiddledeedoo poo poo on you miss grumpy pants! :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( 😉 xo

  2. Whoa chickadeez, I like! I like! I see people doing that ish all the time. Sometimes dey go overboardz ya know? But itz like that in every sport I believe. The chartiy runnaz pizz me off sumtimes I seen you tweet that out and I get that and feel you. I respect the onez that is doin it for realz though. I do take lots of picz but so do you girl. We is a society in love wit ourselves I believe!

    1. Dan you are truly an inspiration of life. I am humbled and honored that you graced me with maple treats and 3 for $9 diet dews in my darkest hours

      1. Awww Goodness Ashley, “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!!”

        Jist can’t grab that blade evertime you be running out da door.

        Chic I’m legit, I posted 2 x’s……lol.

        Take care and keep on writing.

  3. I’d post about my dinner instead, but there are plenty of people against that. I’d post about my kids (or not, since I don’t have them, but hypothetically speaking), but lots of people think that’s not cool. I’d post about my job, but then I’d get fired. Oohhh! Oooh!!! SUNRISE PHOTOS!!! They’re pretty safe, right? Except to the suckers who live in Alaska during the winter, of course…

    One person’s inspiration is another person’s annoyance. *shrug*

    1. Ha sure I agree. This is not an “annoyed” vibe though. It was meant to be humorous, as i do, or have done, a lot of these things. It’s simply making light of the fact that we’re all obsessed with over sharing, uploading, and making a show of something that’s actually very simple. Day & age.

      1. Sorry – sorry – I think this came out bitchier than intended (there was actually zero intent to be bitchy). Truth is, I actually agree with you.

        But sometimes being a blogger seems like dangerous territory (if you take people too seriously) – everyone is against something! People get worked up about even the most benign topics (and sometimes those, at the expense of things that really matter). Guess I played into my own problem just now.

        Truly, thanks for the perspective, laughs, and being someone who blogs without giving a dang about what anyone else says/thinks!

  4. It doesn’t count unless…
    You write a blog about all your running adventures!
    It doesn’t count unless:
    You act like you’re an authority figure on exercise/running.
    Aren’t you supposed to be “running happy”?

  5. Does it still count of someone totally “Catfishes” running scenes from google images, just to seem rad?

    I think I’m on to something. Catfish runners. I should trademark that, maybe start a social media app to move this idea along.

      1. I cannot confirm it, merely positing that as something entirely possible. Sort of like a expanded version of Paul Ryan running a sub-3 marathon. 😉 But seriously — how easy would that be to do?

        1. It would take me about 20 minutes in Google to find out. Something tells me if I look up some of the races you’ve written about, I’m gonna find your name.

          Which would make you a Catfish poser. Which might be kinda awesome, reverse yanking of the ole chain!

  6. You continue to make me laugh through your blogs…..some of my favs:
    -A picture of a bowl of kale will work if you’re “going vegan”
    -it doesn’t matter WHAT the frick you mix up, as long as its a weird color and looks like vomi
    -Ultra finisher race T for a 5k. (BAM) Probably my fav!!! Thanks 🙂

  7. great post, these days it seems that if it’s not IN YOUR FACE it doesn’t exist.

    p.s. i love your blog and the way you write. you have at least one fan from israel.

  8. Every time my phone dings and I see its an email from this blog I get super excited to read it. Never disappoints and very very true. Happy Running!

  9. hahaha dying this made me laugh so much and also be like “hey, that one’s me wtf” haha it’s all true though, sometimes logging off and forgetting about proving my day-to-day ambitions & accomplishments/lack of ambitions & accomplishments to the whole internet proves a lot more satisfying. i feel like social media tricks us into feeling like we have to “perform” for the crowd watching or something. just do what you love. if you love it, do it. if you don’t love it, go do what you love. simple 🙂

  10. Not going to lie, you got me … several times. My love for DailyMile has waned. I’m over it. I still post there but who’s got the time to comment on EVERYONE’S RUN?!?!?! I run for me. Sure I share/post my runs but for accountability sake. But DailyMile is overkill.

    Love your blog and can’t wait to follow more of your adventures.

  11. Not going to lie, you got me … several times. My love for DailyMile has waned. I’m over it. I still post there but who’s got the time to comment on EVERYONE’S RUN?!?!?! I run for me. Sure I share/post my runs but for accountability sake. But DailyMile is overkill.

    Love your blog and can’t wait to follow more of your adventures.

  12. These were HILARIOUS, and yes, of course I’m guilty at times too. But I loved reading these!! This post was only made better by the fact that you included a Michael Scott video. What you left out was the importance of carbo-loading for a 5k, like Michael demonstrates. 😀

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