Yesterday I had additional testing done to find out if surgery is in my near future. I still haven’t heard from the doc, so maybe that’s good? Maybe?!! [MAYBE!]
Arthrogram testing was quite interesting. I watched the radiologist put a needle in my hip, and was able to see how deep it went (straight through to the other side) on the X-ray cam. Nasty! Last time I saw a needle that big I was about to give birth to my first child. Geeez..
I ventured out of the house yesterday and joined the family to watch Brett’s game. I probably wasn’t ready for that. It was hard to have to replay the events again and again. These people already think I’m psycho for running so much. “Why did you do this to yourself again?” was the general question. And, “I don’t know,” was the general answer.
I came home and, once again, cried like a little girl on Daniel’s chest. I couldn’t explain myself to anyone and I didn’t FEEL like explaining myself either. It’s times like these when Dan would usually say, go run for awhile, we’ll talk when you get back. I guess I realized that, and cried some more about it.
I told Daniel that it’s hard for me to explain to people why not being able to walk[read RUN or DO ANYTHING] for awhile would have such a huge impact on my life.
Running is not just fitness to me.
Running is my best friend.
At the start of 2011, I needed a life check. I pulled away from almost everyone in my world and did one thing… I ran.
I ran far. I ran fast. I ran slow. I ran well before the sun came up, and far into the long hours after midnight. I ran when I needed to cry, I ran when I wanted to laugh. I ran to feel good, and I ran to hurt. I cried out to God during those lonely hours in the woods. I dealt with every sort of pain, problem, and joy imaginable – ON THE RUN.
So knowing there is a possibility I may not run for another year, or who knows when.. Its like mourning the loss of a loved one.
So I wallowed in all of that a little while longer, and then I started laughing. (I got sick of crying! Ha.) I realized, (yes once again), there is no point in crying about this!!! It’s like when you take a snack away from your kid that they tried to sneak before dinner. They scream and cry out in protest, but you know you’re not going to give it back, because it’s not good for them. In that case, I’m the little kid screaming, “why!!!!”
Or maybe [in the ultra world] it’s like when you’re stuck at mile 50, you’ve hit a rut, but you’ve got a whole other race ahead of you. You can sit there and cry about how sucky life is, or you can move your feet and get past it. It’s life!!!! Stuff happens, right?! Keep moving forward, Ashley!
So… Moving forward..
I talked with Brooks running, and got some good news. They are going to offer collateral for my races! Thanks, guys!! My client, Traci, also has suggested that the donations from my first race benefit a young son of a local runner in our area who is suffering from cancer. His name is also Brooks.. Cool.:) I’m anxious to get all of the details planned out with that.
I want to thank all of my friends, and everyone in the ultra community for pouring on the love. You guys always show how caring and selfless you are. I experienced after Fort Clinch, and here again with this madness! I love the surprise phone calls and emails. I crack up when you guys tell me to stop acting like an idiot. Nothing like a good laugh.:) I know my emo-ness is way annoying, but it’s just unfiltered me right now. PLUS I am not burning 1000’s of calories every day, so how else am I supposed to get this emotional crap out??!?! Being a female is rough, ha.
I’ll post again as soon as I have answers from my doc. Shouldn’t be too long. Thanks for caring!