I was so pumped to do this race.
Anyways… here’s the “recap”:
I was out in the mountains for over 11 hours, ran a good 40-45 miles of mostly climb, and mainly off course. I spent the rest of that time trying to figure out where the heck I was and how myself and others [who weren’t even with me at any turns] all got so dang lost while ending up in the same wrong place. Technically only made it to the 26 mile aid station- 11+ hours in, and with well over 40 miles on my legs. I still had another 75 left to complete the course to get credit for the hundred. At the completely mentally destroyed rate I was moving, and on these crazy mountains- that translated to another 20 plus hours…with no credit of all of that extra mileage.
Could I have done it?..Sure. Did I want to? Shoot…would you???
My mind was so fried from spending so many hours confused on the course. All I wanted to do was see Daniel and just go home. Many shared my sentiments… Daniel is that smokin hot..haha jk but many did share my sentiments on “just wanna go home”.
And when I finally saw Dan, as he came to pick me up..I found out that many others were in the same spot- literally- as I force crammed my way into the mustang piled down with 4 grown men ready to go home after being lost for too long…. haha
(Hello Brad from Indiana, Ed that sells Harley’s, and Ali from Michigan!:) this was the funnest and most entertaining part of my day.)
And I missed this insanity:
Wow. I’m so sad that this turned out this way. I really am. I wish I could say that it was “just fun to be outside all day”, but that would be lying. It wasn’t really fun, it was interesting I guess. I did enjoy talking to some new friends and old friends- like a really cute couple from Colorado, and Brad from Indiana, and Rich & Martin. That was fun. So there were quite a few moments I enjoyed, and it was a beautiful race put on by passionate people. But overall, i was just really down, and a bit too clouded by the disappointment to enjoy myself. I was upset that my race was ruined, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I was ready to run a 100 today. I’m disappointed that it didn’t happen. Getting that much off course destroyed me mentally and physically, and I didn’t care or want it bad enough to keep pushing for an official finish. I know everyone expects me to be the Glass Half Full girl, but sometimes situations just kinda suck major…….And that’s all I gotta say about that. I think I’m too sick to say anything else right now.
But that ain’t all I gotta say! As far as my “seeing if the Ultrarunning Love Affair is rekindled”… it isn’t. Sadly, I fear its closer to over. Not over. Just closer to over.
I found myself being annoyed by silly things today having to do with ultras. Just little things.. like everyone wearing matching crap unintentionally. Leg sleeves, hydration packs, matching lamps and shoes… I felt like everyone else, and it felt weird. I didnt like it. You have to understand this aspect about me, because this is not a cut towards all of the kind and caring people that make up the ultra realm.
I REALLY JUST HATE “FEELING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE” MORE THAN ANY OTHER FEELING IN THE WORLD.
I was annoyed today because I couldn’t shake the thoughts of how ultrarunning is very much a follower sport. I think we’d all like to think we are individuals, yet most runners I ran behind were decked out in all the same colored gear, and talkin bout all the same stuff..myself included. It just happens… And several times throughout the day, after taking note of the mathcimatchiness, I started to wonder if I was falling victim to society- society via ultrarunning- ultrarunning via brand power- brand power via elite athletes.. the list went on and on in my head as I ran. I talked to Amber a while after getting lost the first time, just cracking up about these dumb things via phone while I ran aimlessly. And that’s when it clicked and I started to think- You know? Maybe this isn’t so much my gig anymore. Running in nature is my gig, exploring creation and getting a rush from the experience-that’s my gig. But these races aren’t feelin so much like my gig.
And maybe ultrarunning is my gig, maybe it isn’t. Who knows. I can change my mind whenever. I am a self-declared fickle female after all, it comes in my rights package…and this is my blog so basically you’re reading my personal thoughts on today. So.. Sorry bout your luck.. lol! But yeah. The 100 was a letdown for me today, and the renewed interest in ultra racing that I was hoping for was a letdown as well. Maybe next time.