Hey, Douchebag!

Don’t Say we are “Freakin’ Hot”!

Recently, during a conversation with some fellow ultra girls, the topic of the frequent intrusion of douchebag men in our daily running came up. As ultra chicks, we are approached by as many, if not more, loser men than the typical female. Maybe this is due to our similar levels of testosterone, or maybe its our short running shorts showcasing our killer legs. We don’t know. What we do know is that there are just some things you should never say to a woman. So if you’re a loser male specimen that tries to hit up the runner girl circles, listen up and take note to avoid getting a serious butt kicking.

WE ARE NOT TO BE GAWKED AT ON THE TRAILS LIKE YOU ARE SURPRISED WE HAVE SKILLS. Hey, douchebag, guess what.. I TRAIN MY BUTT OFF. I work 100 times harder than you do, and I have the skills to prove it. The fact that there is a pink border on my tread has nothing to do with the truth that I can completely SCHOOL you on any trail on any given day. You acting shocked at such an ability is embarrassing for you, and rude to me. Pull yourself together.

DON’T SAY WE ARE “FREAKIN HOT”. Call me old fashioned, but telling a married woman via internet, in person, or anywhere, that she is “hot” is insulting. This language is inappropriate to relay to any woman other than your significant other, or maybe Angelina Jolie or something. It makes us feel uncomfortable, and it makes our husbands irate. It is in your best interest to just not say anything at all. Or at least stick to the more comfortable terms that you would say to your daughter, like “pretty” or “beautiful”– said in the presence of said female’s man. This is your best bet if you really feel the need to say something, because anything else will warrant an arrest for our husbands after they beat you to a pulp, with us laughing hard watching in the background.

WE WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE MEN DURING A RACE. Don’t baby us. Babying us is a douchey thing to do because it shows that you think you are the dominant sex. You think that if we are capable of pushing our bodies for 100 miles straight that we need your help with anything? Ha! We are not imbeciles, and we know what we are doing. If we are suffering and for some reason whining, tell us to shut up and keep moving like you would your running buddies. We don’t take kindly to pampering.

DON’T HIT ON US. Pounding the pavement in a sports bra and shorts is a matter of comfort in the heat and in no way warrants an invitation for you to try to get our attention. Shouting, whistling, making disgusting guttural growls, etc all should be avoided no matter what. Nothing else needs to be said here, just obey this simple rule if you want all of your limbs to stay in tact.

…….Stay smart, my friends.

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25 thoughts on “Hey, Douchebag!

  1. That crap pisses me off. Seriously. As I’m sure it does most other men whose wives run. One hit-on results in the douche being on my radar. The second time results in a rampage. You’ve been warned.
    “Let’s go! I haven’t beat anybody senseless since my birthday!”
    -Joe Rogan

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  2. I cannot even imagine people saying these things. I know it happens but it truly sucks. It is unfortunate men are not more respectful- if anything because I met someone at a race that knows you and told me you carry a large knife and they explained it was not a Swiss Army knife!

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  3. HAHAHA!! Im lucky, most runner guy know I could and would beat the shit out of them. The yard guys and highschool kids with their new licenses unfortunately have not gotten the memo. A

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  4. Thank you for writing this. First off, well put together and thought out. Second, as someone who has said things that he regrets, let this be an apology. Unfortunately I can’t speak for all guys, but let me say there are some of us who do not mean to offend even when we know what we are saying probably should not be said. Still that doesn’t make it any less wrong. And fortunately some of the better, good ones have posted here already too. Hopefully at least those of who realize what we have done and apologize can get off on a better foot, and by speaking out like this you can help more understand it. Anyway, keep doing what you are doing-for yourself and for all the moms, sisters, and daughters.

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  5. Good topic!
    Some people are like school on Saturday. No class.
    Although we’re involved in a sport that naturally tests our personalities during struggles and demands that we reveal more of ourselves than we otherwise would, there’s no reason to ignore social skills and common sense. Treating others with respect, regardless of the setting or the circumstance, is just another one of life’s tests that we serious runners are always ready to ace.

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  6. Very well done, Ashley. And true, the majority of the male ultra runners that I know, are respectful and nice but there certainly are a few out there, just like anywhere in life, who were not taught proper etiquette/appropriate behavior in social settings.

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  7. You want a TRUE douchebag story of an ultra runner, this guy is a cheater as well! He uses a tactless/tasteless come on to women (runners), lies about his running accomplishments, and fraudulently takes money from newbie type runners who are looking for guidance- except he is not one to take guidance from. So who is this person I speak of? It is Dane Rauschenberg and you can read all about what I speak of here: http://danecheats.blogspot.com/

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  8. gotta say, I will definitely look at you with admiration as you run past me. Just like I’d look at anyone out actually doing something that takes effort and hard work to do.

    3×100 finishes? that’s not hot, that’s awesome.

    and, fwliw, as a dedicated husband and father to a young, adventurous daughter, I _love_ that there are folks out there like you saying this stuff :)

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